Having Knee Surgery & Getting Back On Track After Surgery Part 1

Waiting to be admitted with my Hubby and Dad

Last August I had emergency knee surgery. For a number of years I was experiencing quite a lot of difficulty with my right knee. It kept locking out under all sorts of circumstances and I would have to pop it back into place, some times it was more painful than others and as time went on every lock out took longer to unlock. I had an MRI at the request of my physio and nothing was found. A year later I was at a kickboxing class and was practicing some kicks with the instructor when it locked out stayed locked out. I am not sure how long I was on the ground before I was eventually able to get in a car to the hospital but it was a good while.

Waiting in the Emergency Department, very boring and anxious time

I am the worst injured person, I am loud, I complain and I just don't like it! Once I got to the hospital I saw the Dr. in the ED and he admitted me saying I will need surgery and upon looking at it was a possible knee fracture. This was Thursday night. My surgery was booked in for Saturday. I was stuck in a big knee brace, uncomfortable and in pain. Yes I know play the violins, and pass the Endone!
I was able to use a walker to get around but not very much as the brace on my leg was heavy and my hip was aching too, whilst being careful not to move too suddenly and hurt my knee.

Up and about pre surgery

My MRI was booked in Friday afternoon and that was very uncomfortable as I had to remove the brace and lie in a position that really hurt. My surgeon came to see me and turns out I did not have fracture but had torn the meniscus (a thin fibrous cartilage between the surface of some joints, such as the knee). The reason it was not picked up in the first MRI was because it was a Bucket Handle Tear, when my knee is locked the tear is open, when it is fine the tear is closed and undetectable. The fact I could not unlock my knee was a blessing in disguise as I finally knew what was going on all these years.

There was two options, to cut out the meniscus or repair it. The surgeon said I have healthy knees and he would like to repair it rather than cut it out. So that was that, the next day I would have my first ever surgery.

Unfortunately I was by myself the day of the surgery as my daughter had a sporting event that day and that is where everyone would be. My husband and family were upset they couldn't be there with me but I said I would rather they go cheer on our girl and even though I was nervous I was more upset I was missing out on watching her and felt as though I was letting her down #mumguilt.

I became incredibly anxious being wheeled into theatre and the hospital staff were very reassuring, I was given a wonderful dose of something to calm me down and then I closed my eyes. Upon waking I just remember saying "OW" but not necessarily feeling any pain but I was given something straightaway for the pain, and then felt cold and the recovery ward nurses ( Such nice people!) padded me up with warmed blankets from head to toe, so cosy I will never forget that feeling of cosy!

The first thing that I noticed that was aside from the direct operating site I was not in any pain and I for the first time in years, from my hip down felt fine! Of course I  was tender post op but I already felt the benefit of the surgery.

Home and feet up. Like my socks?

I was able to go home on the Sunday afternoon once I had been able to show the doctors I could be mobile on crutches and they checked I could get up and down stairs safely. Instead of going to my house I went and stayed at my Mum's for a couple of nights as I was able to get adequate rest while I was there. I feel very fortunate I was able to do this. The Olympics also had a week to go so I wasn't stuck with traditional day time TV thank goodness. It just isn't the same without Oprah.
I was left with some very simple exercises from the physio and was not allowed to bend my knee beyond 90 degrees ( I couldn't even get it to do so!!)
The physio exercises although simple really tested me and I found them so difficult, but I had to remember I am in a weakened state and these are necessary, even the weight of a blanket on my foot caused pain. I tried to get up and moving around as much as I could but tried to take it easy too, I had an event to plan and execute a few weeks after and that took a lot of my time and energy, shortly after I got sick and had to rest up.

I am going to leave this here for now and will post Part 2 soon, all about how I went with rehab and returned to training. Hope you enjoyed reading

Fi

x

Becoming a Mum. Overwhelming and so very confusing!

Were you so overwhelmed when you became a mum?? I was. I was surprised by how overwhelmed I was. When I had my first child at 23 I had already been working full time in childcare since I was 18. My career in Childcare came by accident and I was immediately good at it ( yep toot toot, totally blowing my horn here)

Anyway, I spent so much of my career up to the point of heading off for maternity leave helping and advising parents on how to care for their children. From routines, to separation, sleep, mealtimes and play and learning. I was so confident in my practice and knowledge and always learning ( still am).

When I had my daughter, the nurses in my hospital when they found out my profession took a "you know what your doing attitude". Don't get me wrong they were helpful, the only thing that I wasn't assisted on was breastfeeding (I had no idea). But they didn't hold my hand through those first few days with bub. I don't know if this is normal but this is how I felt and a few did actually say to me "you'll know what you're doing with your background"

Fast forward to being at home and I clearly remember my Mum coming over first thing in the morning and me still in my dressing gown cuddling my little girl. She smiled at us and said "how are you?" I started bawling!! I was so shell shocked and started ranting to her about "How dare I tell other parents how to raise their kids I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING!"

Looking back on that now I have a laugh to myself, but I seriously believed I was a total fraud!

What you do not expect as a new mum is that smack in the face emotional connection you get from this tiny bub. It affects your decision making, how you view the world, how you react to other people and what they say and do. The birth of motherhood is an emotional awakening, for some it is euphoric and wonderful for others it is scary and daunting. For me it was like a panic, a place between logic and love. All I had learned and knew about babies and children was from that of an objective outsider, not a mother. I was that calming third party reassuring parents and guiding them, who then became the anxious mother herself.

This is now of a benefit to me as I return to work, I have a new empathy and understanding for what parents go through. I have made new friends through parenthood exposing me to different family dynamics.

I guess the point of this post is that it is perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed, shocked and out of place when you first begin parenthood. Because emotionally you will never be prepared for it no matter how much knowledge you have and that is totally OK. As time passes you are faced with new challenges and will quite often feel overwhelmed. Finding your support network can help, somewhere you can be totally honest with how you are going without the fear of judgement. I believe we all want the best for our children and that we do make mistakes trying to figure out what that is.

Be kind to yourself, be kind to others and have your best intentions at heart. You'll be fine x

Fi x

Ready to Return to Work

I have two children 7 and 3. When I was pregnant with number one I was all starry eyed about being the perfect stay at home Mum, cooking, cleaning and doing fun activities with my kids, This as I discovered, couldn't be less me. For one I actually had no idea how to cook anything other than French Toast. Cleaning I was good at ( my Mum may argue otherwise but I am happy with my standards). The pressure to do fun activities with my kids both creative and social took me on a wild ride of shame and anxiety that I just couldn't bear!

When I went back to work round one, my girl was 14 months old and I jumped in 4 days a week ready to progress in my career. Boy was I in trouble. As much as I wanted to do well in my career I still wanted to be that perfect mum at home and maintain a routine for my little baby girl. I struggled for over a year denying to myself the fact I wasn't coping and the cracks opened slowly but surely. My judgement was compromised and I was so tired. I didn't have a plan, financial reasons aside I didn't have a true purpose for returning to work and it affected me and drained me. It all came to a head when we bought our first home and I had a proper meltdown as we were moving in. I handed in my resignation and took a break for a few months.

Round 2 came about when I returned to working only a few days on an on call basis, the money was good and I could dictate my hours, but I didn't belong anywhere. I am the kind of person who needs to belong somewhere be a part of a team and this type of work just didn't suit me. I was completely void of any motivation and was just going through the motions.

I began to look for something permanent part time but I just didn't have any luck finding somewhere that I felt I belonged or fitted in with my own philosophies. I stuck it out at an average job for about 6 months and then was to surprised to find I was pregnant with our second child. The whirlwind of pregnancy number two began and I wound up collapsing one day at the shops and deemed unfit to work by my GP.

I had my son in the October and life with 2 children began. I wanted to make more of an effort to get out into the world and in the following March I went to Mums n Bubs fitness classes, something I had no idea about when I had our girl and really wish I did. This became a great incentive for me to get organised for the morning and get out the house.  It was something I wanted to do and I looked forward to it. As time passed the gym I trained at needed a childcare worker and I put my hand up, the hours were short and manageable and in a place I already felt I belonged and would be supported. My perspective on work changed from there and for 3 and a bit years I worked looking after children at the gym and also gaining my fitness certification. It was fun to learn about something new that has always been a hobby of mine. I began working as a group fitness instructor as well as looking after the kids in the gym and I was really enjoying myself. After a while I felt like something was missing.

On outings I would over hear staff mainly in the shops or cafes talking about their day and who was on what break next, you know general work chit chat and starting to REALLY miss my old job of working in a long daycare. I began to make a plan! How many days could I do to enjoy myself, make it financially worthwhile and get some progression in my career? I decided 3 days was the magic number and also set my hours firm to suit me. I began applying, due to the limitations of my working availability it did take a few months but I ended up finding employment. Once I accepted the offer I became anxious, questioning whether I can do this and how to make it work. My worries were all about the fear of burnout, my kids getting overtired, and becoming grumpy all the time. I made the decision if this did happen as a family we regroup and form a new strategy.

So it has been almost 2 months now and we have all hit the wall of fatigue whilst we adjust to the new schedule, we have all had some time home sick, have come full circle and I believe things are going OK. I actually look forward to going to work, I am enjoying myself and have already made some progression in my job which is awesome.

I am mindful to be kind to the kids in the evening, they don't feel like eating a traditional dinner on our late nights so as long as they eat and eat with a bit of balance, enjoy their evening and go to bed happy, then I am happy.

So my tips from what I have learned in my own life would be:

• Analyse your reasons for going back to work, if it is a financial goal, a professional goal, to have a break from being home or to start a new career. Having a goal or incentive will help you enjoy your time in the workforce and bring value to what you are doing.                                      
• Really think about the hours and days you want to work and how that will fit into your current lifestyle and other family members. My hours meant our eldest goes to after school care, something I was reluctant to do but has been alright so far.

• Don't over commit yourself. Don't offer 5 days if your are unsure start small and add on as you go if you think you can manage

• Don't over stress being the perfect homemaker, make dinner easy on work nights, use the slow cooker, batch cook, or just do sandwiches fruit and yoghurt. Fed kids are happy kids but this by no means says you have to have a roast on the table every night. We save our big cooked dinners for Friday through Monday 

• Look after yourself. do little things that help you switch off and reboot each day. Personally I like to read. I get cosy with my book and just disappear for a while. 

Leave me a comment below on your experiences or over on my Instagram @findingfiforme I would love to hear how you made the return to work work for your family or if you are thinking about doing so!

Fi x