BYE BYE TV **KIND OF**

Over the course of the summer I noticed something a little disturbing. My children and their reliance on the television.
Granted my daughter broke her arm on New Years Day and also has grommets recently put in a lot of our regular summer activities were put to a stop. So I will admit I became incredibly lenient with my allowance of screen time.

A most usual sight in our home

Not sure what triggered me but it could have been an awakening or I was just so incredibly bored, I removed the TV from the living area.
Now I did not do this hastily or as an act of discipline. I spoke to my husband who was unsure of my idea as it involved me also removing 3 large pieces of furniture from the area so I could create a family play room.
The first step was to clear up the area, next move the TV out of the way. I photographed furniture and listed it on Buy and Sell pages. My husband got nervous at this point "what if you want to use that furniture?"
I pointed to the dining table with junk on top of it and 2 storage boxes that are empty. these were the contents of one of the shelving units. A large shelving unit was holding very little and I was able to find a new home for these items, a very important thing to take into account if you plan to get rid of furniture.
Which brought me to the next painful step. Sorting through the clutter (groan). Although painful it is important, figuring out what I want to keep, what I need/want and what can be let go of.

About to sort through the crap. Let me have a cry first.

I shifted the couches in the room so they face each other and placed a new shelf under the window. So the intention of this space is to not only give my kids a place to play but all of us as a family. A place to sit and read, play games and just hang out.
Immediately as the space began to come together the kids wanted to get in there. Of course I made them stay away while I worked my magic and enjoyed the experience. While our son napped my parents took our daughter out for a while and that helped move things along a bit.
As apprehensive as my husband was at the beginning,during a coffee break we sat on the couches in the space and he said straight away how he likes the feel of the space. It felt lighter. Yes I removed big items but not having the TV in the room that we consider the hub of our home has changed the overall vibe.

Couches rearranged, new shelf in place, vacuum cleaner showing off by being front and centre.

Whats on the shelves? Each child has a top and bottom section. 2 cubbies are for books, the shelves were crammed with books before so I have reduced them to a select amount and the rest are on another book shelf out of the way and can be rotated from time to time.
the next cubby has a basket for games or toys, at the moment my son has shown an interest in jigsaw puzzles and so I bought them both a new pack of puzzles at Kmart and put them in the baskets. Last Cubby is for games. I am excited to start adding to our games and have a fun collection for us to enjoy as a family. Currently we have Uno, Trouble, Uno Stacko, and Sorts. I am on the look out for games my 3 year old can play. Hungry Hungry Hippos sounds like a good one. up until recently we had mine from the late 80s but it was too delicate to play a spirited game!
On top of the shelves is a Logitech iPod dock that we have an old phone in connected to Spotify. Our daughter loves music and is our resident DJ. When the TV was in the area the music and TV would be competing with each other, or she would disappear to her room to listen to her music. Now we can enjoy it together. I can play my terrible taste in music, Hubby can "educate" our children and our kids can play "can't stop the feeling" by Justin Timberlake over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Simple, although plenty of engaging activities

So I haven't made over the room styling wise but we do plan to paint and replace the carpet in that space and either cover or change the couches. Our house is in need of a full reno but that is not on the cards so a little spruce here and there is all we can do right now.
At the moment FUNCTION is more important than style. We need to be certain of the way we have the space will work for us, so far our attitude towards it is really positive and we are on the same page as parents on this one. Down the track I will start to make it look nicer but function first. 
So where did the TV go????

That's me bottom left,Hi! 

I has actually gone to our bedroom. I know it seems to not be the best place but we want to give it a go and so far I LOVE IT! The way I see it is we have removed the TV from our regular living space and replaced it with engaging activities that can be done solo, in pairs or a group. Activities that promote play and curiosity and teamwork.
It is in the part of the home where I cook, fold washing and do several different tasks that I mindfully engage myself in ( at least I'd like to think so).
Watching TV has been reallocated from an everyday mindless activity, to something a bit more special. TV has not been restricted but merely taken away from the forefront, out of sight out of mind. My son and I enjoyed a short stint of Thomas and Friends the other morning, 20 mins snuggled together in bed before breakfast. I can't wait to do it again!

So how did our kids react that first morning without their beloved box of characters?
Our 3 year old son was a bit teary it is safe to say but once we had that 20 minutes snuggling in the bed watching Thomas he was ok and ready to have some breakfast at the table (not on the couch in front of the TV). As I mentioned earlier he is getting into puzzles and that is what he decided he wanted to do. I will tell you it was kind of relaxing sipping my morning coffee and helping him with his puzzle. Our 7 year old daughter was overall alright with the change and happy she could still have control of the music, on went her fave playlist and out came her dolls.

Morning Puzzles

What have I noticed so far?
A deeper sense of play that the children are able to carry themselves and develop without their attention waning.
Both are more willing to play with one another and are arguing a little bit less.
My daughter has mentioned how good their team work is about a thousand times.
Kids are not asking to watch TV, they are too busy. Winning!
While we have had guests (so far our parents) the TV is not on while our zombie like children stare into it, they are either somewhere playing or like the picture below playing around us, not being noisy but working beautifully together that several times we stopped our conversation to watch them play and talk to them. 

Playing and working so well together!

What will I miss?
Our daughter waking up and putting the TV on to watch a while so we can have sneaky sleep in until she bellows that she is hungry and must be served food immediately. I'll have a think on how we can still get the odd sleep in while our kids are occupied and get back to you there!

So while I am not banning TV I am removing it from the forefront of our lives. I love having it in our room as we have a chrome cast I can now watch you tube on the TV and also Netflix of course.
The morning snuggles on the weekend I think will be a fave of mine especially in the winter. 
 I remember growing up my parents had a TV in their room and we had 1 family TV. On a Saturday night I was allowed to stay up and watch "Hey Hey It's Saturday" and "Unsolved Mysteries" in their room while they watched "The Bill" and I always looked forward to it.
Some nights I would stay with my parents and to my Mum's delight get out the water spray, her hair mousse and accessories and be her hairdresser for the evening. I remember a  time when I was growing up and TV was a time to enjoy with the family or a treat that you got to stay up and watch your fave show. but I did it after a day of good solid play and that is what I want for my kids. 

Anyway so far so good, please if you have any questions on the post leave a comment or head to my Instagram account @findingfiforme

I'd love to know your thoughts or if you have done something similar or would like to try it in your household!

**The comfort of loneliness or the anxiety of taking a step towards possible friendship**

Oh my god! So many Mum's online posting about how sad they are the holidays are coming to an end and that they have to send their littles off to school.

I am not one of these Mums right now.

Right now I am craving alone time but I want to spend time with friends
Right now I am desperate for routine but I still enjoy the need to not look at the clock
Right now I am hanging out for some social interaction but I really could do with being alone

I will be totally 100% honest. The holidays are a lonely time for me. I do have friends and I see them occasionally but I feel like (social media envy alert) all I am seeing as groups of people spending time together and I am over here like " hey another day with my kids and no one else this is AWESOME"

School run and work are my opportunity to have a moment of a quick chat with someone, I love the chats I have with the check out chick at the supermarket because hey it's half a grown up!

I find though sometimes the anxiety and downs of loneliness can be easier to deal with than the anxiety of building up the courage to talk to someone for the first time or to build a new friendship. In loneliness there is only me to hold up and keep occupied, reaching out for friendship is terrifying. Trying to be myself alongside trying to make sure your not fucking it up and that person thinking your weird. Not knowing if you are talking enough, am I talking too much, has there been enough of a two way dialogue here?!?!?!?

Then there is the rejection, "call someone to catch up" my husband says encouragingly, bear in mind if he is bored he will drop in on anyone. He doesn't care he can chat to bin man for ages (in fact I think he has done)
So, I call I reach out to people I know, people with kids the same age as mine. Either no response or busy. That's fine it happens.
But it just doesn't get any easier. This is not a new thing for me either. I remember when I was 15 and I spent a whole summer in my room just reading, hoping someone would phone to go out. but no nothing. Thing is I didn't have any friends ( I know boohoo)
But back then reaching out to people, trying to find a group of my own just never happened.

I did things though, played sport went to social groups, but actually carrying out something long term is where I struggle so much. All our friends ( mine and my husband's) have been made with his help. We joke about this but deep down, It makes me a bit sad. But I am just so self conscious and shut down. He keeps talking.

Fast forward to now and I feel worse for it. I feel like I am cheating out my kids on a fun time. All because I am frozen with the anxiety I feel when it comes to socialising. My existing friends when they see me in a social setting outside of a BBQ or a house party are taken aback by how shy and timid I become, I feel like I am turning to stone from the inside out. I really wish I didn't!

I spend a great deal of time on social media scrolling through and feeling a little bit a part of the lives of the people I follow. I feel confident in feeling joy for their joy, empathy for their down days, cracking up at their funny moments. But I need that connection in my physical world and with every set of holidays I think to myself "This time will be different" so far its not. I am just more aware of the lonelier times, more aware of the stress I feel each day. More anxious not knowing what to say to my oldest when we aren't seeing any kids tomorrow (she's a social butterfly).

I had this week planned, 2 play dates my wee girl was SO excited but they both fell through due to unavoidable circumstances, I felt so terrible and she was so disappointed.

If I have to stand up and be brave it is for her but I am terrified and I am so sorry if throughout this year I approach you in a bid of connecting and I spew, because I think that is what might happen as I try to fight the feeling of turning to stone. But hey I tried.

Fi
xx

Just Hanging Out On a Saturday Night

Along with my 2016 could kill us post and new attitude going into 2017 i decided we ( hubby and I were not coping) called my Mum and asked if she and Dad would take the kids for the weekend. I NEVER do this unless we have a pre arranged engagement but Hubby and I were starting to get at each other and I immediately called Mum and organised a break!

I am so grateful for the break and understand that some parents do not get this at all. My parents were those parents with only My parents and my brother being my family in Australia.

So currently we are just hanging out it is 8:30 on a Saturday night and we have just spent our hours a bit like we used to before kids. After dropping them off we had an errand to run down the shops then checked out some homewares in Kmart. I spent the morning rearranging the furniture in the house and I am after some new stuff. Then Hubby wanted to catch on old friend at a pub so we wandered over he had a drink and we sat around chatting for a bit.
Then we went to Ikea and looked at somethings in more detail than you get with having the kids around or a time limit for that matter. Then we headed off after looking at what we wanted to such as the area with all the kitchen gadgets and spatulas ( seriously I never get a chance to do that) and we had a productive visit!! Agreeing on stools, couch, and pots and pans we liked.

After we left it was around tea time, you know grown up tea time after 7 pm and not 5 pm where you all eat just to stop your kids being too tired. A proper tea time! Hubby said  "I could go for Mexican" "Nachos" I said longingly I haven't had nachos in so very very long. So we headed over to our local Mexican which is pretty good and ordered the large nachos and a litre of sangria to share. We finished the nachos but couldn't finish the incredibly potent but tasty sangria.

We have talked about our life, our kids and just laughed about stupid shit. It's been great. Now we are at home just chilling out, but our night isn't done yet! We bought tickets to the movies at 9:30 so guess which Mumma Bear is currently sipping on a coffee so she can stay awake for the 2 hour film!!

Sometimes it is so good just to hang out. It has been way too long for us and we really needed it!
Look after yourselves

Fi
xx

2016 Didn't Go So Well. How About We Try In 2017??

So, how was your 2016?? Good? Average? Bad?

Ours was more bad than good. It really looked like in the beginning we were getting our shit together and taking control on some stuff we just weren't loving. My husband was not all that happy in his job and sought to change that, we saw an opportunity to better our financial situation and put that in motion, I was on my way to completing a course and our little girl was enjoying the new challenge that was Grade 1. Our son was happy most of the time as long as we have Thomas The Tank Engine around in one way or another and a never ending supply of sultanas.
So we were on a course to take control of certain things and make changes that would improve our lives.

2016 had different plans for me and my family. On top of the plethora of celebrities passing away this year, the blows came for us hard and fast.

I really feel like 2016 was one of those years that was meant for us to really be mindful of how we handle situations beyond our control. As much as we dissect and analyse our year so much of the negativity was beyond our control. How we handled it though, was entirely up to us. We had other people close to us who were also at the mercy of 2016 and it's unique way of saying "hang on, you thought last week was bad. Wait for it...."
So it wasn't just us, and while within the privacy of our own home we had moments of feeling sad and sorry, moments we were done with it all and moments where we had no intention of coming out of our low mood, feeling as though we didn't deserve to.
Being with friends and family who also had difficult issues going on throughout the year though, we learned to be so honest with each other and accepting that we just could be with each other to help lift our spirits. We all had a hard time we were going through and regardless of what it was, we knew each other felt down and we could be there for each other. I am really so very grateful for those people this year. A simple night of cooking a meal together or grabbing a pizza and playing Cards Against Humanity really helped ( seriously play that game it's great!)

Some people we knew we having a great year. Something I noticed. I wasn't jealous or envious I was happy for my friends, that is such a nice feeling to be able to find joy from other peoples good fortune even though our own good fortune seemed to be a distant fantasy. While we desperately want for things to go in our favour we did not drag others down with us, we found joy in their joy and that really helped us to keep going through the harder times. It promoted positive conversation for a time and shifted our focus which was always helpful.

As you could expect we set our sights on 2017 as 2016 started to come to a close. We were excited and put plans in motion for what we wanted out of our lives and also looking at our priorities.
We wanted to ring in the new year quietly and had a BBQ with friends near our house it was simple and fun. New Years Day the first day of OUR YEAR! 2017 IS OUR YEAR!

We are excited but also vulnerable, and that vulnerability was no more as exposed than at 4pm on New Years Day when our eldest broke her arm riding a bike. Seeing our baby broken, scared and in pain was so horrible and keeping our fear and panic to ourselves was excruciating.
She broke her arm quite badly and required surgery and as we waited we felt utterly defeated. I sobbed while my husband who has tried so hard to be a strength for our family, hid his head as the tears welled up at the thought of his little girl broken and in surgery not knowing what will happen. I tend to be OK in medical situations and I can trust in those who are treating my loved ones, but my husband's low took it's toll on me and I felt his pain along with mine and our little girl's. Our daughter had seen enough of hospitals in the past 12 months.

So 2017 has begun, and not in the way we had been hoping. In light of this I see it as we are starting from the bottom. The only way is up from here. It is up to us in how we respond to circumstances beyond our control and for one thing I am proud of us as a family for trying to make the best of a bad situation and having a good attitude. We have cried and felt the lowest of lows but we are not staying in that place.

So what did the lows of 2016 teach me?

• Allow yourself to feel your feelings, express them and talk about them
• Find solace in your friends. Don't overload them with your shit but know they are there for you and you for them. Order a pizza, play a game and just be together
• If you can don't stay in that sad place allow the low feelings to come and be expressed and then be productive and handle your life. If you feel like you just can't shake the dark feelings go see your GP and explain how your feeling, they have the resources to find you some help should you need it. 
• Remember it isn't permanent, you will feel better one day. Just take things one day at a time.
• if you have kids try your hardest to see the joy in the simple things with them, be present and take it all in, (I know how hard this can be when all seems to be turning to shit) these little people can be our greatest teachers.

I hope you have a wonderful 2017, I really truly do!

Fi xx

How Social Media Helped Improve My Family Time

I am a bit of a social media lover. I really enjoy it. Facebook, Instagram, Snap Chat, Pinterest, You Tube, Blogs but not Twitter ( Just don't get it).
Like everyone I follow what interests me from cooking to fitness, parenting to education and the odd home decor and fashion.

I found a handful of people on Snap Chat and Instagram who I really love to follow each day, just a small handful (on Snap Chat) because Snap Chat can take up a lot of time if you have a lot in your feed. They are all Mums with kids similar in age to mine.

I feel so appreciative towards these ladies for taking the time to share a bit of their family life but also useful tips such as meal prep and general life organisation. I love my family and they are everything to me but for so long I would find my mind wandering when it would come to family time. I would get anxious and constantly looking over my shoulder for what I really SHOULD be doing. Almost beating myself up that I wasn't doing something "productive" like the washing or studying or even just tidying. When all along just BEING with my loved ones is that productive thing I should be doing.

A few months back I had emergency knee surgery which took me out of action and that was quite the adjustment. it was around this time a discovered the Snap Chat accounts I watch today. Having more time being unable to busy myself has taught me it is OK to stop, slow down and smell the roses. So I have and you know what, the roses smell good!!
It is an adjustment I'll admit and I still feel my anxiety coming through in those slower times and I fidget or lose track but I am certainly working on being present and not letting unfinished jobs or even non-existent jobs get to me.

I am thankful for the Mums I watch that share some family time because it is always simple quality moments like playing a game, just playing with toys, having a meal or out for a walk. Seeing others enjoy these simple pleasures helps me to understand my own feelings and how to process them. I have never compared my life to theirs, I merely find myself relating and understanding my own situation and how I can enjoy it more. I remember a time when I constantly compared myself to others and if I do that again I will see big red flags and obviously need a kick up the bum!
Let's face it motherhood can be quite lonely and a glimpse into the lives of others can give us a little boost from time to time especially when the only people we have to have a chat with are under 3ft tall! It has helped me to see the beauty in my own everyday life and I am grateful to these ladies for sharing that.

I am now moving forward with the outlook of simplifying my priorities looking after myself and my family. I have a few ideas on how I will achieve that and I look forward to implementing them each day.

So to those women THANK YOU
Thank you for sharing a part of every parents life that is very special and personal. I appreciate and enjoy it so much.

Fi xx

My Current Skincare

A few months back I started a new skincare routine. I have always had issues with my skin starting with pretty awful acne in my teens. When I was 15 I went on the drug Roaccutane for about 18 months and the results were amazing. It is a strong medication and the physical side effects were difficult to handle at times but it was honestly the best thing I could have done for my skin at at that time. At bed time, I would have to numb my face with freezing water as it was painful just to rest my head on my pillow.

Fast forward to 31 and I still get pimples. Nothing like in my teens but I have a few friends that like to pop up on my chin. The last few years I just washed my face with water as I have been reluctant to try anything new on my skin. Then a few months back I had a look at the chemist and also some influences on social media for something affordable to try.

So far I have been very happy with my skin and especially how it has held up this past week as I have had a few events that trigger breakouts (such as: period, stress, late nights, broken sleep, slightly dodgy diet) and my skin has actually been pretty good, even probably better than most good days!

So I wanted to share with you all what I have been using:

Thursday Plantation Tea Tree Face Wash For Acne

This cleanser has been really great. I have used other Tea Tree Cleansers in my time and I have found them a bit harsh. This one feels lovely and is also a foam which is nice to apply. I have been using it for about 6 months after it was shared by Emily Skye on her snap chat. I found this at Chemist Warehouse for about $10
St. Ives Blemish Control Apricot Scrub

I have been reluctant to use a scrub. But now I am all about the scrubs! I have "SCRUB LOVE"
I started using this (after a share from Emily Skye on snap chat again, she used the green tea black head scrub but this looked like more of what I needed for me) 3 times a week in the evenings and immediately loved the way my skin felt after using it. I have been careful not to use it if I have had a big pussy pimple visiting and waited for it to go down before applying the scrub. the last few weeks I have been using the scrub most mornings maybe 5 times a week and in the lead up to my period where my skin normally flares up it has remained fairly calm. I also notice a massive reduction in redness and only got one new pimple and it was not even a bad one. I also had added stresses this week along with expecting my period we had BBQ visits with friends, late nights and a stressful hospital stay after my wee girl broke her arm. I am so tired an run down but my skin is in great shape! You can get this at Chemist Warehouse and the supermarket but Chemist Warehouse had the best price.

Thursday Plantation Tea Tree Face Cream (Day)

I have only started using this cream a week or so ago and I am not sure about it. Usually I just use a Nivea day cream but I have been looking for a change. I like the Nivea but don't love it. This feels a bit thin and watery and I don't get that nice absorbent feeling you want from a moisturiser. I think I will still be searching for a face cream. I got this from Chemist Warehouse


Nivea Creme (Night)

At night I have been using this and it is quite a heavy moisturiser. I like how my skin feels after using it but it is a bit think and can feel like I am putting clay on my face to begin with, however it does absorb nicely. I think i like this because it is a big tin and lasts a while so it's good value. But if something amazing comes along I am not committed to this one. ii  just get this at Coles or every now and then Aldi will have it in.






hideAWAY Lip Scrub

So as I said above I am loving scrubs so I thought I would try this one from hideAWAY and I really like it. There are always different flavours this is really nice and feels great. The ingredients are simple and have no nasties. My lips feel smooth and refreshed after each scrub and is now part of my regular routine.



Blistex Intensive Repair

This stuff is great, i use it after I use the lip scrub and just basically everyday morning and night. I don't keep one in my bag as I feel my lips are well moisturised throughout the day having used this before I head out. I may need the odd top up if I've eaten something that dries my lips out but since using this I barely need to slather my lips with lip balm all day everyday. It also leaves a lovely refreshing tingle on your lips when you use it, I just get this from Coles or Chemist Warehouse as and when I need it. 

So there you have it!

 Let me know if you use these products and what you think of them or if you have any suggestions for moisturisers that you like. I would love to hear especially if you have spotty skin like me and are in your late 20s or early 30s. I hope you enjoyed this post leave a comment here or on my Instagram @findingfiforme

Back in the Blog

I want to persevere with writing on here again. I really just started this Blog page for myself as I really enjoy writing down how I feel. Why not just keep a journal?? Well, good point but the possibility that I might connect with people is actually pretty cool to me so even though I am writing for me I like to feel as though I am having a conversation with someone.
A comment may add a new perspective to how I think and I like the idea of that. I am active on Instagram @findingfiforme Instagram is very easy and convenient but I want more depth as sometimes I want to write about things that take up a fair bit more space than what I can pop on there!
Since I opened this page its been niggling in the back of my mind that it's hanging around not doing much so I guess watch this space and the ultimate procrastinator that is me might just actually post some friggen content!!