Tanty Tales Follow Up

Ok so it has been about a week or 2 since I removed the toys from Little Madame's room. After she woke up from the much needed sleep we had a mixture of results she was tired and snuggly but still ready to put up a good fight against packing up the toys. Over the course of the next few days things improved slowly but surely. My gorgeous girl was asking for what activity she wanted but stilll in need of prompting to pack up ( hey she's 4 what 4 year old doesn't).
I am noticing with less distraction in her room of an overwhelming amount of toys a calmer play time. I am seeing her persist in a challenge and more allowance for her imagination to roam free. I have also noticed that I am more willing to join in the play and she is more than willing to help me around the house. In one marvelous afternoon where I had some cooking to be done she asked for her big bucket of stuffed toys. She played happily, I wouldn't say quietly but I didn't mind. After a while she asked me for another activity as if like a robot without looking up I replied " OK but you need to pack up your toys first" looking up from the bench and I see that without prompting, without fuss, the toys had been packed up before she asked me for a new game. I was so proud and impressed! She earned back some toys that day and she was so proud of herself. After tea she also helped to wash her dishes in the sink! I was amazed! Now I did not "reward" each piece of good behaviour with putting toys back in her room. But she did get one activity back. I gave her praise and encouragement and we told Daddy about having made such good choices.

GOOD CHOICES. This is what has stuck. Making her realise that her choices affect her. By not getting angry myself and losing my you know what ( I know its hard not to lose it I really do) has helped in me teaching her that her choices have an effect. But it's not my problem it's hers. By her motivation being if she makes good choices it will work out well for her, she is more inclined to make better decisions. How do you do this? By not making her shortfalls my problem. I don't mean walking away and leaving her to deal with it but by not making it about me, by not getting upset because it annoys me but making a focus on say if she doesn't pack up she can't have fun doing the next activity. It affects her totally. Her good choices will have a positive effect and her poor choices will have a negative effect.

A proudly made bed

The next step in this I am going to take is to go through her things and keep what is necessary. I am going to take a risk here and do it without her. I know from experience that she would have a hard time letting go of things so I am going to reduce her toys a little bit not too much and begin to return them to her room. Today she was so proud of herself for making her bed and yesterday we spent a wonderful time in the driveway drawing a peppa pig mural and cooking with debris from the garden.

Even though removing the toys from my daughter's room was an act to punish her for less than desirable behaviour, what has come out of it has truly been a positive. We are both learning from this endeavour and I am running with it. After I vacuumed the other day she out of the blue picked up some attachments "let me help you Mummy" and helped me carry them to the laundry. I was so touched by this completely selfless act of kindness from my gorgeous girl. Perhaps this is something you may feel you could try at home?


Things I see my daughter learning:

• Perseverance and persistence
• Imagination
• Helping others before herself
• Looking after her own well being

Things I am learning

• To take time away from the grind to be with my children
• Take a step back during disagreements with my child to really assess what is happening before I react
• Acknowledge good behaviour  

Thanks for reading!

Fi xx