Away on a fun weekend with old family friends. We started the tradition before all of us had kids and now we have many children in our little group.
As my friend and I sit on the last day in a quiet room. The rest of our group and the children have gone for a walk along the beach. We have done our packing and relish in the brief silence us Mums rarely encounter. I like this about my friend, we can comfortably be silent. As we rest in the peace, she asks me how our daughter is going with her anxiety. My friend is a clinical psychologist and is a great support on the topic of our daughter's anxiety. Whilst we actively seek professional help, she always has some helpful suggestions on how we can support our wee girl.
She asked me if she has ever show me her "diagram" on how she explains anxiety to patients witg anxiety. I said no she hasn't and so she begins to explain.
Holding up her hand with a closed fist she points to her wrist.
This is the root of our brain
At this stage we need the basics here protection, shelter, safety.
Next she opens up her hand exposing her palm. In our palm is where our emotions are they are developing as we go into toddler-hood and have tantrums, experience separation anxiety etc. This is pure emotions in this palm.
She then begins to close her fingers one by one over her palm. This is logic developing. This takes into the teen years in which to develop and as it does so, places a lid over the emotions.
How do we settle this emotional state? We have to go back to the root. Back to basics. Protection, safety, shelter.
When my daughter has episodes of extreme anxiety I have become anxious myself, panicked even angry. None of these reactions helped the situation.
After seeing her psychologist she advised that I just hold her in these moments. Just hold her as long as she needs.
As I spoke with my friend she nods and adds that stroking her arms, a hand to the forehead any nurturing touch. Those who suffer anxiety very commonly will rope their arms around themselves or place their on hand on the forehead unconsciously seeking this comfort.
The explanation of how the brain works in anxiety has really helped in how I respond to my daughter and also my son who is 3 and requires the same support as he goes through his toddler-hood.
Encouraging my daughter to tap into logic is where we are at. For example she lost her class at school one morning as all the lines were making their way to classrooms. It was busy and overwhelming for her. As she is in Grade 2 she is familiar with the school so I gave her 2 options to think of if she finds herself lost.
#1: she heads to her classroom
#2: if her class room is empty she goes to the office. She knows where is it and that there will always be someone there who can help her.
We went over these together and I got her to say it back to me and we touch back on it from time to time.
I hope this helps someone out there. It is horrible to see your child with an internal struggle and we all want to do our best to support them.
Fi
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